I tend to stay away from religious themed posts on the Deuce (with the notable exception of the “My bed is so nice it’s what Jesus would fuck on” post that had me chuckling to myself for days). However, I recently stumbled across L Ron Hubbard’s “Code of Honor”, without doing any further research since it could ruin my opinion of this “code” I’m going to assume that the “Code of Honor” is Scientology’s answer to the Ten Commandments of the Christian bible. L Ron published this “code” in 1954 with the following remark: “No one expects the Code of Honor to be closely and tightly followed." The reason, according to Hubbard: "An ethical code cannot be enforced. Any effort to enforce the Code of Honor would bring it to the level of a moral code. It cannot be enforced simply because it is a way of life which can exist as a way of life only as long as it is not enforced.” I’m not certain but I think there may be some circular logic employed in that statement, but I can’t seem to grab a hold of the slippery bastard with my mind hooks to know for sure. Regardless, that L Ron would create this “code” and release it while telling people they can’t really follow it is in my opinion totally awesome. (or totally sweet, it’s up to you) The Bible’s Ten Commandments are a little easier to come to grips with, perhaps due to their simple nature: don’t murder a nigga, don’t steal from a nigga, don’t fuck another nigga’s bitch, “To thine own self be true. To thine own self be kind, And you will find there is no love to give that's pure, Until you're sure”, etc. This “Code of Honor”, however, is pretty intense which pleases me. Below is the “code” along with my personal comments.

• Never desert a comrade in need, in danger or in trouble.

Comrade = communism, communism = totally sweet, totally sweet = heart smile

• Never withdraw allegiance once granted.

Crazy. I can really see how this can backfire on you.

• Never desert a group to which you owe your support.

Whatever. I would add the following line: “Never join a group”

• Never disparage yourself or minimize your strength of power.

Yes! Never, never minimize your strength of power! I have no fucking clue what this means but I love it. I smell a t-shirt.

• Never need praise, approval or sympathy.

Bitchin’.

• Never compromise with your own reality.

This is so fucking awesome! Pairing “never compromise” with anything is super hardcore, pairing it with “your own version of reality” (particularly coming from a science fiction author) seems extraordinarily splendid.

• Never permit your affinity to be alloyed.

Not that anything on this list could be parsed by the bulk of our quasi-literate society but this one in particular seems unnecessarily obfuscate. L Ron, why didn’t you just say, “Never let a nigga talk shit about your character or push on you.”

• Do not give or receive communication unless you yourself desire it.

L Ron, can you hear me clapping from the grave? Gold, Ron, gold.

• Your self-determinism and your honor are more important than your immediate life.

It’s now obvious to me that most legitimate gansta rappers are Scientologists.

• Your integrity to yourself is more important than your body.

See above.

• Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you can make your tomorrow.

L Ron ran out of ideas and stole this from a Hallmark card. I can’t remember if the card is in the “Get Well Soon” section or the “Just Arrested Under Charges of Child Mollestation” section.

• Never fear to hurt another in a just cause.

How tantalizingly ambiguous. My definition of “just cause” is so broad I wouldn’t make it a day as a Scientologist without being arrested.

• Don't desire to be liked or admired.

This is coming from L Ron Hubbard? Come on mother fucker, you’re teetering very close to the “just cause” border.

• Be your own adviser, keep your own counsel and select your own decisions.

Nice. Don’t seek the council of others, just do whatever the fuck you want. I love this kind of crazy, it’s what makes good pictures. (Moving pictures, bitches)

• Be true to your own goals.

Ok, so he stole one of the Ten Commandments.