I just bore witness to an incredible Big Funky moment. I was driving back to the office from my weekly oriental massage visit (yes, with happy finish) when I saw something that made me squeal and clap my hands like a child from the northeast seeing a cow for the first time. Two cars in front of me in the lane to my left was a flesh colored El Camino. The El Camino was piloted by only one person leaving the passenger seat empty. The bed of the El Camino was weighted down heavily, the tow hitch bouncing ever so close to the pavement below. In the bed of the El Camino sat a very robust man who must have been in his mid thirties, he was very naked and very retarded. The retard seemed very comfortable despite his public nudity and gleefully watched his surroundings fly by. I was pretty much blown completely away but after the initial wave of adrenaline and euphoria subsided I contemplated pulling over into a filling station and committing seppuku for not having my camera on me. The retard looked like a manatee sitting up in the back of that El Camino, a manatee with an exceptionally small yet dense patch of chest hair. I began to question why someone would put a naked retard in the bed of an El Camino when the passenger seat was available; is the retard extremely claustrophobic, can his bulk not fit in the passenger seat, is it illegal for him to ride in the front seat of a car? Then the most obvious reason to put a giant, naked retard in the bed of an El Camino struck me as the most probable motive: because it's totally fucking awesome! It was like going to the circus but not having to pay for it or see any filthy clowns. I looked at the occupants of other vehicles around me, everyone was smiling in delight at the spectacle in front of them. It was the first time in a long while that I've felt that kind of camaraderie towards my fellow Big Funkians. Thank you terrible person who put their retarded son/brother/cousin/friend naked in the bed of his El Camino and thank you fat, naked retard for being the cherry on top of my day!

Next Tuesday the 23rd Blizzard Entertainment will be releasing the MMORPG (that's a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game to you plebes) World of Warcraft on the world, and by "world" I of course mean the United States. The moment this game is released I predict a massive lifestyle shift on the part of yours truly since I'll be spending the better part of most days in my new online world kicking the teeth in of many a teenager. In fact, I hesitate to call World of Warcraft a "game" since it's really more of a new life, a new chance at a better life now that I pretty much squandered this shell of a life I'm drudging through now. There's a very sound possibility this website will go through a state of decline as I faze out all the things that don't matter, namely anything occurring in the "real world", in favor of building a character in this new world, this World of Warcraft. Anticipation has really reached a fever pitch! I'm so excited! I'm SO excited! I'm so... scared

Oh my, oh my, do I have a treat for you today my sweet bitches! The image above this post has screen-grabs from this British commercial for Citroens new C4 coup. In a nutshell, the C4 transforms into a robot (totally sweet) and the robot then dances to electronic dance-pop (totally awesome). The commercial declares that the C4 is "Alive with Technology", coincidentally this commercial makes my weinis alive with hardness. Watching this commercial again and again I'm so overcome with emotion that I've been knocked into a stupor. I swear to god and sonny jesus if the live action Transformers movie has anything remotely this cool in it I'll probably need to take a portable defibrillator into the movie theater with me so James St. James can shock me back into life every 15 minutes or so*. As Joel over at Gizmodo says with eloquence, "…hello, dancing robot. We're on, like, Orange Alert for nerds."

*Thinking about this really launches me into pre-teen girl giggle fits: James St. James taps me as he watches the sweetness occurring on screen, my arm flops onto my leg, James St. James looks over at me with a scowl on his face, "God dammit!" he whispers as he grabs the defibrillator. Positioning the paddles just so James St. James turns back to the action on screen as he yells "Clear!" to the confused audience and my carcass lurches in the seat. Alive again, I breathe a sigh as I once more take in the grandeur of live action Transformers. "This is bullshit, dawg", whispers James St. James his eyes glued to the cinema canvas. "Shut up", I reply as the conflict on screen begins to overwhelm my heart once more.