This, ladies and gentleman is a 68 page history of the Transformers. You will read it. You will read it because it deserves to be read. You will read it because it is totally fucking sweet. You will read it because you will need to know this history for the upcoming live action Transformers movie that is scheduled to begin filming soon. You will read it because Transformers and child hood are synonymous with you. You will read it because the sublime 1986 Transformers - The Movie had both "damn" and "shit" in it. But most of all you will read it for Optimus Prime, because Optimus Prime died for you and his ultimate sacrifice is worth 68 pages of your fucking time.

Brit Brit got married. [crickets chirping] I give this union a maximum of 2 years before a super cracked out, smacked up Britney is divorced by her Baryshnikov wannabe, dancer hubby. In an effort to do all the hard work for you, my faithful readers, I've already run the newlyweds names through the Porn Name Generator so you can address all your wedding gifts to Mr. Huge Velvet (alias Hans Offvanschafter) and Mrs. Deedee Wide (alias Pussje in den Wijnckel). To quote my good friends who don't know me at Defamer: "May the child that will soon follow grow fat and happy on a diet of mashed Cheetos and Red Bull, and may angels merrily dance in the background of its dreams."