Maybe it's time to finally attach some sort of electronic box that shocks Andy Dick into unconsciousness once he tries to cross the California state line. Page Six reports that Dick, apparently fueled by despair over the death of "best friend" Rick James (but probably fueled by a face-full of coke and a blood alcohol level of 2.1), went on a bitch-slapping, Joey Fatone-taunting, Seth Green-kissing bender yesterday at NY club Suede. What other debauchery did Dick let loose? Rolling around on the men's room floor? Check. Trying to mooch blow from bystanders? Yeah, we got that. Punching a friend in the face for no good reason? You know it. It's clearly time to get him back to LA, where Andy can resume his more run-of-the-mill, home-team antics, like cornering guys in the bathroom of the Standard Downtown and licking them or cherry-picking contestants from The Assistant for sex.

I love this shit. I love that we let this weird looking, skinny ass, bi-sexual, pseudo celebrity run amok sans repercussion. It's as if Andy Dick's a monkey and the whole of America is his cage and he just runs around flinging shit at everyone and we laugh and point. To be sure, this is not any anti-Andy Dick post, I think he's awesome. After Newsradio Andy can do no wrong in my eyes. But somehow the weird fucker has weaved a spell over the American populace and he gets to do whatever he wants, perhaps it's an effect of the spell, but I'm strangely fine with that.

This morning I put on the pair of pants I had worn last Friday. In one of the pockets I found a note to myself. The note was actually a quote from Hooter that may be the most honest, most honorable thing anyone has every said to me; just thinking about it now brings a tear to my face camera.
We were in Hooter's unit headed to an "establishment" at around 12:35am. I don't recall the exact conversation but it's safe to assume we were discussing how little value we put on life in general, perhaps with a Viggo the Carpathian* slant ("death is but a doorway, time is but a window, I'll be back"). Regardless of the exact content of our conversation, as we were driving down Westheimer Hooter turned to me and affirmed, "You just give me the word and I'll slam this unit into the first tree I see."
Perhaps it is that fact that I know he meant it that makes it so special but I can candidly say it was the most awesome thing anyone has ever said to me. I'm not sure I could summon a more powerful image of symbiotic, cohesive agreement on principle than a man destroying his BMW along with his life and his friend's life at the slightest behest of said friend. The comment transcends the mortal coil for me and I'll ever be indebted to Hooter for sharing it with me. Honor!

* athankyou Ghostbusters II

Upset because he thought one of them had stolen his Xbox and some of his clothes, a Florida man rounded up three of his friends to help him exact revenge on the supposed perpetrator(s) by breaking into their house and beating them to death with baseball bats on Friday morning. They ended up brutally murdering four men and two women, with one bludgeoned so badly that they still haven’t been able to identify the body.

This is what it's all about people, a true to life story about when keeping it real goes wrong. These jimmies took 'kicking teeth in' to a new extreme. Since I pretty much exclusively kick in the teeth of kids not old enough to drive I'm not too concerned about this development. I prefer when possible to do zero research into the shit I post so, without reading a legitimate news source, I'm going to go ahead and say that all 4 of the killers play football for the Miami Hurricanes, and I will further say that the Florida gaming scene is off the hook.