When I first saw this I was mildly intrigued. It's a tub, similar to a hot tub with jets and whatnot, except it's designed for women and the jets or jet as it were, is pointed in such a way that it would directly stimulate a woman's clitoris (aka the little man in the boat or laser snail). Eh, that's cool I guess. If I were a chick I might be more interested but really there are a couple of problems with this device. It's too fucking big and would require a professional installation. I don't know many people who would be comfortable having an orgasm tub in their bathroom especially when it's obvious what it's used for and a dildo is so easy to hide under the bed. But what the fuck do I know, right? Just as I was about to discount this device as another "eh..." sexual contraption I saw who patented the idea; none other than Penn Jilette of Penn and Teller! Ha! What the fuck is this jimmy doing making hot tubs for women? Then it got me thinking that maybe he made this thing for himself but got it patented for women's use so as not to come off as being a freak. Then it got me thinking about that movie where that guy is rolling a deuce and a creature / monster comes through the plumbing and attacks him. Then I started thinking about Critters which was not the same movie I was just thinking about but it is related since there are small monsters in it. Then I wished I was a Critter. Sigh.

Update: Ever vigilant, Darkstar reminded/informed me that the movie I was thinking about where the monster climbs up a toilet's plumbing and attacks a dude's brown hole is 1985's Ghoulies. The tagline of the movie is "they'll get you in the end" which is coincidentally the tagline of Steven Seagal's most excellent Hard to Kill except you must replace "they'll get" with "Nico's back" and "you in" with "and this time he's even" and "the end" with "more harder to kill".

Ok, I've been telling people for a while I meant to cook up some changes for the Deuce. Seeing as the 1 year anniversary of the site is impending I felt now is as good a time as any to introduce a new layout and some new features. I'll be tweaking with things for a while but hopefully everything will be done by the actual anniversary of the site on July 15th. Way back on July 15 of last year I wrote in the site's fourth post that I wasn't sure this "blog" site concept would be practical to navigate once some actual content was published, I feel that prediction has come true. I enjoy reading this shit (the main fucking reason I keep this site up besides all the pussy just clamoring to hang out with me) but hunting for a post through a year's worth of content is cumbersome; so to aid the process I've added a search feature to the top right of the site. The archive list is still around on the bottom right, now titled "Annals" due to the obvious fact that it not only connotes the same meaning as "Archives" but also reminds me of "Anus" and "Anal" words I find tremendously amusing. Also, in a move I may yet regret, I've removed the "Links" section since it was generally useless and added an "Enhance" section. In the "Enhance" section I'll be providing links to various web sites that Darkstar feels compelled to provide to me. I recommend checking each of these sites out, they are generally magnificent. If, at some time in the future, Darkstar is assassinated (he should be so lucky) then the section will be opened up to other members of my information ministry. Lastly, I've invoked a comments feature for each post on the site. The comments feature is one I will monitor closely. At the moment it is open to anyone who wishes to comment but this will probably change in the future into a "Members Only" feature. For the time being though I want to see what (if anything) actually gets commented on, the fucking moment I find a comment I deem unacceptable I will remove the comments feature and not re-implement it until it can be suitably improved, so mind your god damn P's and Q's. On that note, welcome to the Deuce Goose Version 2 (DGII). Book it.

Let's get down to brass tacks here, the Olson twins are hot. They were hot during Full House and time has only been good to them. I should be making intercourse with them in my steam room, but they're in California and I hate California. I thought about moving to Colorado or something so I could "meet them halfway", but then I remembered that I don't go to bitches, bitches come to me. Ohh! Snap! But seriously, I don't have a steam room in Colorado so... Anyway, when I heard that Mary-Kate had gone to rehab for anorexia my reaction was, I'm sure, the same as yours: "Fuckin' shit that's so hot, yo!" So when I heard the rumor* being circulated by people who know people that Mary Kate's actually in rehab for a cocaine addiction I got all excited and had to go home for a steam. I mean, I was going to circulate my own rumor that she was starving herself because I wouldn't give it up but trying to kill herself with cocaine because I wouldn't give it up sounds much, much better.

*rumor=fact