Due to some confusion and misinterpretations on the part of my good friend Hooter T. Clovenhoof I feel compelled to amend my post about The Passion of the Christ. It seems I need to make it more clear that I am neither in support or opposition of the movie's political or social message (if there is one), I think it's up to personal interpretation if you feel the movie is catholic propaganda, and the movie itself actually falls squarely within the large group of shit I'm completely indifferent to. I'm concerned with only two aspects of The Passion of the Christ: one, the Jews, and two, Mel Gibson's applebag upon which the Jews are now taking their morning tea. To reiterate my one and only thought about this movie, it's bullshit that any Jewish person should be crying anti-Semitism about a movie that by all accounts accurately portrays Jews 2000 years ago crucifying an innocent man.

The Jews need to back the fuck up off Mel Gibson's applebag. I haven't seen The Passion of The Christ but from everyone I know that has seen it there is the resounding opinion that the movie is not anti-Semitic. Mel Gibson has vehemently stated that he went to great lengths to make the movie as accurate as possible. Still, I've been hearing Jews whine about this movie long before it ever came out and all I can say to their whines is "what the fuck?" Last I checked the Jews took a man who was openly known to be innocent of crime and nailed him to a wooden cross until he fucking died. You killed an innocent man mother fuckers! How the fuck do you suggest Mel make the movie without anti-Semitic undertones? Maybe Mel should have had the British kill Jesus? Or aliens? Or maybe he should have put Jesus up against a retard in the Thunderdome? Fuck. Or maybe I should get on my high horse about every movie depicting slaves in America, claiming them to be anti-Anglo? "Showing white slave owners beating their slaves and treating them inhumanely is anti-Anglo! Huzzah!" [spit] Stupid Jews… makin' me hate.

I was in Austin at a closing this past Monday and Tuesday. It was uneventful with the exception of a black guy who not only showed up late but also had a dwarf thumb on his right hand. Creepy does not describe watching this fucker work. His thumb was small enough that he couldn't do the normal opposable thumb activities your everyday non-freak takes for granted like adjusting your glasses or sticking your thumb up your butt hole. For activities such as these he used his index finger which looked startlingly out of place. Despite his deformity he managed to do his job well enough, that is, he seemed to be banging away on his laptop keyboard with the correct veracity to simulate work. Fortunately, they made him work in another office so everyone else wouldn't be distracted by his freak hoof. I'm glad the law firm hosting the closing had this "pink elephant" rule since even my well known affinity for freaks was being tested by this mini-thumbed agitator. Any time this thumbkin was around I couldn't help but wonder how he did things like battle a thumb war or load a whippet. Thankfully I'm back safe in the Big Funky where I can forget people like him are allowed out with the rest of us.

"Kaba Kick is Russian Roulette for kids. The player points the gun at his or her own head and pulls the trigger. Instead of bullets, a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo). If the gun doesn't fire, the player earns points."

Simply fantastic. The Japanese are so prolific! First kamikazes now this! There are two things I lament about this toy. One, that I didn't have one growing up. Two, that's it's not a real gun.

God dammit! Tonight yielded little, if any at all, results in my quest to find the jimmy exposing himself to women in my garage. My inebriated state not withstanding, my sleuthing mission was halted by the new cop my apartment complex (apparently) hires. You know, fuck the fact that women are being raped, as soon as some fucker shows his dick off we hire a fucking piglet. Anyway, I'm sleuthing around all silent like, looking for perverts and what not, and I see somebody hiding in their car. "Bingo!" I thought, "stupid fuck". I prepared my camera and the Sharpie I intended to "tag" him with before shuffling in his direction. Unfortunately, there was no pervert in the car, only the aforementioned piglet, and he was none too pleased with me showing him up. Naturally, I told him to fuck off, and then out loud I apologized and slinked away to my apartment. Fucking cops… I have half a mind to accuse that fucker of being the pervert, I mean, who would suspect the cop? Hate. I'll capture him yet.
Furthermore, reading this over again I realize that it makes little sense given how my whiskey hands stumble over the keyboard. I apologize. But how the fuck else am I to find this pervert? Cold sober? Ha! Last time I was sober it hurt so much I wanted to die.