I arrived home to my apartment the other day to find a note shoved in my door. "Great", I thought, "my fucking water's off again." As I walked inside I simultaneously began skimming the letter and preparing a sponge bath. I had already taken out the steel wool and scented oils before I realized that my water had, in fact, not been turned off and I was reading the best letter since the one a couple months ago with the picture of that bitch's Mercedes with the pile of shit on her hood that had a penny sticking out of it..
The letter is a warning to the residents of my apartment complex concerning a gentleman who has been hiding in the garage. It seems there has been a string of "attacks" late at night in the 12am to 2 am time slot where women have come home, gotten out of their cars, and turned to find a 5'10", blonde man exposing himself to them.
Upon reading this I experienced a brief Hooter-esque moment where I wondered if the man was, in fact, me during a blackout. Then logic prevailed and I realized I'm not 5'10" or blonde, nor am I around from 12-2am, I'm generally either asleep by midnight or out past 2.
I am, of course, very intrigued by this jimmy in the garage. Who is he? And why does he like flashing his dick around? Does he have a fucking meatsicle dangling around and he wants to show it off? The letter didn't mention "knee bruiser" or "coke can" so it's likely he's of average size. So if he's not kong then he must have a big mole on his cock, or perhaps two cocks? Hmm… These are all questions that need answering, and I intend to answer them. Beginning tonight I intend to embark on a sleuthing quest to find this predator, question him, photograph him, tag him, and release him back into the wild. I'll keep you updated.