Holy shit! I just remembered something fucking crazy that some fucking bitch once said to me in college! I was registered for some fucking class (notice I said "registered" instead of "taking") that only had around 12 other students in it, I don't remember what class it was but I can tell you for certain that it was something stupid. One day I actually went to class I guess because I was either feeling guilty for never going or I was just bored, in any case, I was there. At the time the city of Austin was contemplating putting a bunch of tax dollars into a light rail system and for whatever reason the topic came up in class.
Now, this isn't really necessary to tell you but in the off chance you didn't know, there is not the slightest chance in fuck I would ever speak in class. For clarification, I don't speak in any class, not just that one, in fact I wouldn't speak in any situation where I am sans friend and in a group of more than 2 people. It's not that I'm really embarrassed or scared to speak in front of a group of people, it's more that I hold everyone else in the group, or class as it were, in some form of contempt and couldn't imagine gracing them with whatever ridiculous comment I might desire to spit out.*
As it happens I feel very passionately about mass transportation (ie. trains, light rails, buses, but not airplanes), I fucking hate it. I hate every form of it with one glaring exception: monorails. Monorails are the fucking bomb and here's why: they're easier to construct, they're more efficient, they're safer, they don't remove any current lanes of traffic, and they look fucking cool. If you're a wise ass and want more details, go here. Just so we're clear, if anyone thinks that any other form of mass transportation is generally superior to a monorail then I'm extending an open invitation for your ass to come the fuck down here to the Big Funky and we'll fight to the fucking death like a couple of fucking Klingons!
So, I'm in class and the topic of the light rail comes up and this tree-hugging bitch began preaching the benefits of a light rail system. Incensed, I was forced to respond since no one else was saying anything to refute her. When I spoke I actually scared a couple of people since I had previously been pushing the idea through body language and dropped hints that I wasn't speaking due to both my parents dieing in the WTC on 9/11. I jumped down this bitch's throat! "Light rail? You want them to build a light rail? Are you even listening to what the fuck you're suggesting? You want to blindly approve this joke because you've read some statistic that says it will be able to move X number of people every day which will mean less traffic and thus less pollution, right? Well, you're completely wrong. People that drive cars are not going to stop driving cars because Austin has a light rail that can take them from downtown to campus to the fucking Arboretum. Yeah, you may get a few people to jump on the bandwagon and begin using the light rail since it would "relieve the stress of driving home in traffic", and that's true. Except it's a light rail and that means it's not underground, it's not above ground, it's on the fucking ground and to make it fit they have to take at least one lane of traffic. The route it intends to take is down 3 lane avenues which would become 2 lane avenues once the light rail is installed. So let me break this down for you, unless 1/3 of the people currently driving stop driving and only utilize the light rail we'll have an increase in traffic and equal if not greater pollution due to the fewer number of cars being on the road longer. No, if you want mass transportation, you want a monorail." Rational, if impassioned, response, no? What was her response? "Monorail? What is this? Disneyland?"
The bitch couldn't have stuck anything bigger in my craw than that fucked up comment. Cracking wise with me? Who the fuck are you? "If you want to come at me get your mother fucking facts together because when you embarrass yourself like you just did you embarrass me as well for being so stupid as to engage in conversation with you." I could have, and I wanted to, jump across the table we were sitting around and toss the bitch through the window as I screamed, "it's GOD DAMN DisneyWORLD you fucking cunt!". Instead, since I'm a civilized, bourgeois mother fucker I said, "No, a monorail would look nicer, cause less pollution, and not take up one of our precious lanes of traffic." Apparently, what I said went completely over this bitch's head since her response was an incredulous, "What are you talking about? Monorails are stupid."
At this point, the professor stepped in and killed the argument. I guess he could see that my face was flush, my knuckles were white, and I was about to bring the fury (or shit myself). The professor, trying to defuse the situation only infuriated me more by saying, "calm down you two, nobody's seriously talking about building a monorail in Austin." God dammit. At a fucking house of higher education I enter into a debate the quality equivalent of the: my black Lamborghini Countach Micro machine is faster than your red Ferrari Testarossa Micro Machine debate that raged in 4th Grade. A little dumbfounded I just looked at the professor thinking, "they allow this cocksucker to mold minds?" Left with no other options than those which would land me in prison I stood up and walked out. Fuck those people. The one fucking time I open my mouth someone sharp-shoots a turd in it.
I never went back to that fucking class, and even though some would say taking the 'F' was probably stupid I would say, "stack the fucking 'F' in the corner with the rest of them, at least I never had to see those communists again." Sometimes you have to draw a line and disregard the consequences, I just happened to draw the line in the classroom during a mass transit debate which held no bearing on the class subject matter with a bitch that may or may not have been mentally retarded. Now that this memory has resurfaced, each night I'm going to dream a little dream about that hooker being one of the many people slaughtered thus far by the Big Funky's light rail system and I'll smile in my sleep. I bet I'll look so cute!
*and what makes me so fucking special that I can just hate on everyone indiscriminately? Nothing, other than whenever possible I present an iota of consideration for others which is something I've never seen anyone else do except in the fucking pictures** and I hate them for it.
**that's moving pictures, bitches
Now, this isn't really necessary to tell you but in the off chance you didn't know, there is not the slightest chance in fuck I would ever speak in class. For clarification, I don't speak in any class, not just that one, in fact I wouldn't speak in any situation where I am sans friend and in a group of more than 2 people. It's not that I'm really embarrassed or scared to speak in front of a group of people, it's more that I hold everyone else in the group, or class as it were, in some form of contempt and couldn't imagine gracing them with whatever ridiculous comment I might desire to spit out.*
As it happens I feel very passionately about mass transportation (ie. trains, light rails, buses, but not airplanes), I fucking hate it. I hate every form of it with one glaring exception: monorails. Monorails are the fucking bomb and here's why: they're easier to construct, they're more efficient, they're safer, they don't remove any current lanes of traffic, and they look fucking cool. If you're a wise ass and want more details, go here. Just so we're clear, if anyone thinks that any other form of mass transportation is generally superior to a monorail then I'm extending an open invitation for your ass to come the fuck down here to the Big Funky and we'll fight to the fucking death like a couple of fucking Klingons!
So, I'm in class and the topic of the light rail comes up and this tree-hugging bitch began preaching the benefits of a light rail system. Incensed, I was forced to respond since no one else was saying anything to refute her. When I spoke I actually scared a couple of people since I had previously been pushing the idea through body language and dropped hints that I wasn't speaking due to both my parents dieing in the WTC on 9/11. I jumped down this bitch's throat! "Light rail? You want them to build a light rail? Are you even listening to what the fuck you're suggesting? You want to blindly approve this joke because you've read some statistic that says it will be able to move X number of people every day which will mean less traffic and thus less pollution, right? Well, you're completely wrong. People that drive cars are not going to stop driving cars because Austin has a light rail that can take them from downtown to campus to the fucking Arboretum. Yeah, you may get a few people to jump on the bandwagon and begin using the light rail since it would "relieve the stress of driving home in traffic", and that's true. Except it's a light rail and that means it's not underground, it's not above ground, it's on the fucking ground and to make it fit they have to take at least one lane of traffic. The route it intends to take is down 3 lane avenues which would become 2 lane avenues once the light rail is installed. So let me break this down for you, unless 1/3 of the people currently driving stop driving and only utilize the light rail we'll have an increase in traffic and equal if not greater pollution due to the fewer number of cars being on the road longer. No, if you want mass transportation, you want a monorail." Rational, if impassioned, response, no? What was her response? "Monorail? What is this? Disneyland?"
The bitch couldn't have stuck anything bigger in my craw than that fucked up comment. Cracking wise with me? Who the fuck are you? "If you want to come at me get your mother fucking facts together because when you embarrass yourself like you just did you embarrass me as well for being so stupid as to engage in conversation with you." I could have, and I wanted to, jump across the table we were sitting around and toss the bitch through the window as I screamed, "it's GOD DAMN DisneyWORLD you fucking cunt!". Instead, since I'm a civilized, bourgeois mother fucker I said, "No, a monorail would look nicer, cause less pollution, and not take up one of our precious lanes of traffic." Apparently, what I said went completely over this bitch's head since her response was an incredulous, "What are you talking about? Monorails are stupid."
At this point, the professor stepped in and killed the argument. I guess he could see that my face was flush, my knuckles were white, and I was about to bring the fury (or shit myself). The professor, trying to defuse the situation only infuriated me more by saying, "calm down you two, nobody's seriously talking about building a monorail in Austin." God dammit. At a fucking house of higher education I enter into a debate the quality equivalent of the: my black Lamborghini Countach Micro machine is faster than your red Ferrari Testarossa Micro Machine debate that raged in 4th Grade. A little dumbfounded I just looked at the professor thinking, "they allow this cocksucker to mold minds?" Left with no other options than those which would land me in prison I stood up and walked out. Fuck those people. The one fucking time I open my mouth someone sharp-shoots a turd in it.
I never went back to that fucking class, and even though some would say taking the 'F' was probably stupid I would say, "stack the fucking 'F' in the corner with the rest of them, at least I never had to see those communists again." Sometimes you have to draw a line and disregard the consequences, I just happened to draw the line in the classroom during a mass transit debate which held no bearing on the class subject matter with a bitch that may or may not have been mentally retarded. Now that this memory has resurfaced, each night I'm going to dream a little dream about that hooker being one of the many people slaughtered thus far by the Big Funky's light rail system and I'll smile in my sleep. I bet I'll look so cute!
*and what makes me so fucking special that I can just hate on everyone indiscriminately? Nothing, other than whenever possible I present an iota of consideration for others which is something I've never seen anyone else do except in the fucking pictures** and I hate them for it.
**that's moving pictures, bitches
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