Ha, ha, ha! Mother fucking Schlotsky's has filed for bankruptcy! Hallelujah on high mother fuckers! I hate the shit out of Schlotsky's and now sweet Justice is giving me the tongue bath I've been waiting years for. I've said for a long time that I'd one day toss a bomb in that fucking place but that would only have taken out one store, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd live to see the day the whole franchise was ground into dust! Why do I hate Schlotsky's so much? I hate them because I've never had a sandwich there that I thought tasted worth a shit, I tried their classic sandwich and hated it and I tried numerous others on the menu and hated them more, the food is absolutely terrible for you from a health perspective, and I swear to God and sonny Jesus the assholes making the sandwiches were trying to fuck up my order each time I went into the fucking shit box. Fuck you to hell Schlotsky's! This fucking bankruptcy will probably end up dragging on ad infinitum but a slow painful death sounds very appealing to me. Ha, ha, mother fucker! This shit has been too long in coming! [spit]
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The only statistic that should ever matter to you- Number of chocolate covered Ex-Lax recommended to be taken in one 24 hour period, 2 pieces. Number of chocolate covered Ex-Lax pieces Johnny Deuce ate in one 24 hour period in an ill-advised pseudo science experiment, 10. Number of times Johnny Deuce was subsequently within seconds of shitting himself before finding a toilet and expelling burning diarrhea, 6. Number of times Johnny Deuce was unable to find a toilet and shit himself, 1. Number of farts one should trust when under the influence of five times the recommended dose of chocolate covered Ex-Lax, 0
7 Comments:
At 2:04 PM, DeskUnit#45263930202 said…
I don't like any food that relies heavily on vegetables as an ingredient. Any type of sandwich is shit. Unless it is from Wendy's, and it's called a Spicy Chicken (Slice of Heavenly Orgasm) Sandwich.
Also a plane crashed into a house in Austin the other day. I assumed that J. Deuce was no longer among us until his most recent post. How disappointing.
At 2:46 PM, Johnny Deuce said…
Disappointing indeed, I can continue to be counted among the living (albeit just barely) is my everlasting shame.
The Mozzarella Chicken Supreme sandwich at Wendy's, when it's available, definitely makes me cum.
At 4:48 PM, DeskUnit#45263930202 said…
I'm beginning to think that the Mozzarella Chicken Supreme you speak of is nothing but a myth. I have not tasted it's deliciousness in eons. I think that Dave Thomas took it's recipe to the grave and the idiots that have taken over don't know how to reproduce his masterpiece.
At 3:02 PM, Osama Bin Pickles said…
Remember that time, when they fucked up your sandwich on purpose and you smashed it on the front door.
I wonder who got more satisfaction from the transaction?
19 kids.
At 1:57 PM, Brencandu said…
You should know that Schlotzky's new owner did a fabulous job turning the company around after bankruptcy, put the company way into the BLACK! and was bought out for a hefty profit yesterday. Thought this might make your day.
At 4:12 PM, Johnny Deuce said…
brencandu,
I have in fact seen a few Schlotzky's popping up again in The Big Funky. I can take it only as a sign of an impending personal apocolypse.
My only hope would be that the new owner has removed the original Schlotzky's menu and replaced it with the Hooter's menu. But there's no way I could be so lucky.
At 3:14 PM, Anonymous said…
You guys must have never tried the "Fiesta Chicken" over at the Schlot. This might change your opinion of the whole place. It comes and goes, but when they bring it back, I HIGHLY recommend it. If you have tried this sandwich and still hate the place, suck my cock. I've heard it tastes good.
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