I would say that at least half the farts that escape from my dead insides are powerful enough to kill a man. Sometimes, when I do a quick squat to pick something up and my face is in the same general area where my ass once was, I can smell my ass and it makes me almost throw-up. If I were a girl I couldn't imagine how bad my pussy would stink. I think I would douche every time I took a piss.
8.30.2003
8.29.2003
A while back, 08/05 actually, I mentioned I would be spitting used Chicle Chicks gum back into an empty Chicle Chicks container and snapping pictures every now and again. Well, to prove I'm not entirely full of shit here's the first shot of the container.
You'll notice it's mostly orange, pink, and yellow pieces. That's because by the time I get the container all the other colors have been picked out. It really fucking pisses me off too, that's like reaching in a bag of community chips and hand selecting the biggest chip each time. Anyway, I'll keeping putting pics up so the whole world can see my hate.
You'll notice it's mostly orange, pink, and yellow pieces. That's because by the time I get the container all the other colors have been picked out. It really fucking pisses me off too, that's like reaching in a bag of community chips and hand selecting the biggest chip each time. Anyway, I'll keeping putting pics up so the whole world can see my hate.
I was an idiot and got fucked up last night. Now I feel like shit and I'm stuck at the office. I want to kill every last mother fucker in here, only then will it be quiet. As bad as I feel though, I'd do it all again because it was fuckin' awesome. Perhaps I abuse myself this way because I hate myself? Eh, I'd think more about that except that's something a fucking psychologist would say and they don't know shit from shine-ola*, hell a fucking shrink would also tell me that the sun isn't out to get me. And if I know anything, I know that the fucking sun is fucking out to get me. Fucking scare ball. Fucking hate. Fucking communists.
*the 'shit from shine-ola' comment is something I picked up from old man Heavy D. Heavy is a treasure trove of circa 1970 big, white man in a small town jargon.
*the 'shit from shine-ola' comment is something I picked up from old man Heavy D. Heavy is a treasure trove of circa 1970 big, white man in a small town jargon.
8.27.2003
Johnny Law gave me a double pump up the butt this morning. I'm trying to get to my parents house at the fuck-crack of dawn, I look up ahead of me, see a pig's unit, and I check my speed to see I'm only going 30 mph. Low and behold, the copper is strolling out into the street pulling me to the side of the road. 10 minutes later my anus was torn and bloody, I smelled like pork, and the cop had blown his money shot on my face in the form of a combination speeding and inspection renewal ticket.
I've been watching a lot of 'COPS' lately. As soon as I saw the fuzz walking out in the street to pull me aside I began running through the list of excuses the junkies on COPS give when they get busted. "Sir, this isn't my car." "Sir, I wasn't driving the car." "Wasn't me. No, no, wasn't me." But, that shit never works on COPS so I didn't want to press my luck.
Fuck tha police. What? What? Fuck tha police.
I've been watching a lot of 'COPS' lately. As soon as I saw the fuzz walking out in the street to pull me aside I began running through the list of excuses the junkies on COPS give when they get busted. "Sir, this isn't my car." "Sir, I wasn't driving the car." "Wasn't me. No, no, wasn't me." But, that shit never works on COPS so I didn't want to press my luck.
Fuck tha police. What? What? Fuck tha police.
8.26.2003
Looking through the SPAM in my inbox today I found what could possibly be the best non-porn spam I've yet to receive. Check this shit out:
Welcome to the site http://www.darkprofits.com, it's us again, now we extended our offerings,
here is a list:
1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form.
2. Rocket fuel and Tomohawk rockets (serious enquiries only).
3. Other rockets (Air-to-Air), orders in batches of 10.
4. New shipment of cocaine has arrived, buy 9 grams and get 10th for free.
5. We also offer gay-slaves for sale, we offer only such service on the NET,
you can choose the one you like, then get straight to business.
6. Fake currencies, such as Euros and US dollars, prices would match competition.
7. Also, as always, we offer widest range of child pornography and exclusive lolita
galleries, to keep out clients busy.
Everyone is welcome, be it in States or any other place worldwide.
ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free.
Prepay your batch of rockets (air-to-air) and recieve a portable rocket-lacuncher
for free.
This offer won't last! Only until 27th of August all our clients will also recieve
a pack of 2 CDs, with best selection of child pornography.
Fuckin' cool eh? This is so hardcore I'm not even willing to visit the site, since only terrible shit could come from it. "Gay-slaves for sale" sounds particularly interesting and ridiculous, although selling gay-slaves may not be as ridiculous as the poor spelling that's rampant in the solicitation. "recieve"? Come on asshole, everyone since the release of 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown' in 1970 knows the bullshit song "'I' before 'E' Except After 'C'". So, the author of the email is either an American who has never seen 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown' nor graduated from a primary school or some fucker from another country who doesn't speakee eenglish too well. Since an American who hasn't seen 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown' is not an American but a Communist, that leaves some fucker from another country as the author. Furthermore, since I only buy my surface to air missiles and gay-slaves from true-blooded Americans, I won't be able to take advantage of the promotional offer made available in the email.
Welcome to the site http://www.darkprofits.com, it's us again, now we extended our offerings,
here is a list:
1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form.
2. Rocket fuel and Tomohawk rockets (serious enquiries only).
3. Other rockets (Air-to-Air), orders in batches of 10.
4. New shipment of cocaine has arrived, buy 9 grams and get 10th for free.
5. We also offer gay-slaves for sale, we offer only such service on the NET,
you can choose the one you like, then get straight to business.
6. Fake currencies, such as Euros and US dollars, prices would match competition.
7. Also, as always, we offer widest range of child pornography and exclusive lolita
galleries, to keep out clients busy.
Everyone is welcome, be it in States or any other place worldwide.
ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free.
Prepay your batch of rockets (air-to-air) and recieve a portable rocket-lacuncher
for free.
This offer won't last! Only until 27th of August all our clients will also recieve
a pack of 2 CDs, with best selection of child pornography.
Fuckin' cool eh? This is so hardcore I'm not even willing to visit the site, since only terrible shit could come from it. "Gay-slaves for sale" sounds particularly interesting and ridiculous, although selling gay-slaves may not be as ridiculous as the poor spelling that's rampant in the solicitation. "recieve"? Come on asshole, everyone since the release of 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown' in 1970 knows the bullshit song "'I' before 'E' Except After 'C'". So, the author of the email is either an American who has never seen 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown' nor graduated from a primary school or some fucker from another country who doesn't speakee eenglish too well. Since an American who hasn't seen 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown' is not an American but a Communist, that leaves some fucker from another country as the author. Furthermore, since I only buy my surface to air missiles and gay-slaves from true-blooded Americans, I won't be able to take advantage of the promotional offer made available in the email.
Never underestimate the fun and satisfaction one can gleen from calling someone a "fucking piece of shit" or "piece of fucking shit". Do it some time, it's marvelous and awakening. Try and spit as much as possible while doing it for full effect.
8.25.2003
When I'm having a good day, one of those days where someone or something doesn't make me hate, and I don't have anything to occupy my time I tend to stumble on some cool shit. Shit that makes you go 'hmmm' or maybe even 'awww! Fuck that! One of the things that makes me go 'hmmm' is this article about a man who was blind from the age of 3 - 43 when the sight in his right eye was restored. Can you imagine how fucked this guy must be? Losing your sight would be the shits, this guy got his back and he's fucking overloaded with data. He probably married a heifer too, figured "my ass is blind, I don't ever have to see how filthy she is". Essentially taking the whole 'they all look the same in the dark' approach to the next level. I'm sure he pulled one of his buddies aside and asked him, "you let me marry that bitch!? Jesus man! Didn't you know I couldn't see!? You gotta tell me this shit!"
