This is my first time to actually post from the shitter. I feel it's immensely appropriate to let you know that I just unleashed a hell beast out of my ass. So, look out for it.

What's everyone's big fucking problem with Kevin Costner? I saw the Open Range trailer last month and have been excited about the movie ever since, but half the people I talk to about it immediately respond with some derogatory comment about Costner and his "shitty" movies. Fuck that! What the fuck has Costner done bad? Yea he went way over budget on Waterworld and the movie didn't meet most people's expectations but I still find it entertaining, and The Postman isn't the most entertaining post-apocalyptic vision ever put to film but it's not like I hate the movie. Those two movies are seemingly the reason people don't like Kevin Costner and that's truly baffling. Of course there are some other movies he's done that aren't that great, Dragonfly, 3000 Miles to Graceland, and Message in a Bottle come to mind; but Costner's done over 39 movies! You're going to sit there and tell me that because of 2-5 movies the guy's a hack? Fuck you! What about Silverado, The Untouchables, Bull Durham, and Field of Dreams? Those are some of his early movies and they are excellent. Then we have Dances with Fucking Wolves, a wonderful movie by anyone's standards. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, so what if he didn't have and English accent, no ever tried to say it was a true historic representation of events! For fuck's sake there's a witch in it! Robin Hood was an Action/Adventure/Comedy and I love it. JFK, wonderful. The Bodyguard, not my style but decent. Wyatt Earp, too long and came after the more action packed Tombstone but not piss poor by any means. Tin Cup, very good. For Love of The Game, again, not my style, but still good. Thirteen Days, one of my favorite movies, great all around. Look at all the good shit he's done! He's in good movies way, way more often than not. The trailer for Open Range looks fucking sweet, the reviews for it are raving. After I see the movie and it's awesome, everyone who doubted me can go fuck themselves!

This dude told me to keep an eye out for shivs.

15 minutes ago I ate a beef chimichanga. It just slipped out of my ass completely intact. Except, now it smells like shit. Go figure.

So I've collected 3 bottle caps from Diet Pepsis that say I'm entitled to a free 20 oz. bottle of Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, or Mountain Dew if I purchase one bottle at full price. Of course, this would be cool except the woman who runs the deli at the bottom of my building refuses to redeem my prize! The fucking bitch says that she doesn't get paid back for the free drinks she gave out until she has a "case worth" of caps. In other words, unless I'm able to collect 9 more caps I don't get shit. Obviously, I'm getting fucked. I mean, I guess I could redeem them at an Exxon or some other filling station where they're not fucking assholes but I feel like that bitch downstairs enters into a social agreement / contract between me, Pepsi, and herself when she puts the fucking bottles out for sale. The label on the soft drink says "redeem anywhere Pepsi is sold". This whore may have lawsuit on her hands! She's damn lucky I'm so lazy.

When I was walking into work today I saw a crippled retard sitting in his wheel chair. The wheel chair was pimped out too. There were backpacks, straps, carabiners, there may even have been a lasso. There were all kinds of bumper stickers and catchy statements slapped all over the chair like "I do what the voices inside my head tell me too." I'm also pretty sure he had custom dubs on the chair, he wasn't moving but they may have been spinning rims. Anyway, at first I thought "wow, cool retard" and then I took a more detailed inspection of the occupant. This guy was pretty hard up. Yeah, he was crippled but he had a cool chair, I was more concerned with the level of retarded he rolled with. His eyes had that glassy look to them, he stared strait ahead, I'm reasonably certain he couldn't operate mentally on even the most basic level, and he was obese. Strange that a person who obviously couldn't feed himself still managed to become obese. Furthermore, and this is what really pisses me off, there was no way the retard could have accessorized his own chair. I mean, I like retards as much as the next guy so I'm not down on him having a pimp ride but if he didn't have the faculties to put that "Titty Bingo" sticker on his chair then some asshole put it on and decided the retard was the "Titty Bingo" type. I'm saying, fuck the guy who decided to accessorize for the retard because he's not letting the retard be himself. Fuck, maybe the retard hates bumper stickers and rock climbing accessories, maybe that's why he's so fucked up, because he's trapped in the chair covered in other people's tastes. No wonder he has an eating disorder, he's trying to eat away his hate. It's a damn, damn shame and maybe if the government controlled every aspect of our lives like in Gataca or '84 we wouldn't have this kind of bullshit.