I've noticed a troubling (read: infuriating) trend since I entered the workforce last January. Every weekday and most weeknights I'm surrounded by older men (and a few women), men in their 50s mostly. I have lunch with them, sometimes I have dinner with them, I drink with them at bars, and generally hang out with them. These men treat me no different than they treat anyone else their age; there is a free trade of politics, advice, news, woman ogling, and shit-talking. They see my age difference as a commodity they can use to get a different perspective and they never talk down to me or insinuate that the difference in age between us represents a difference in intelligence.
On the weekends, however, things are quite different. There are situations where I'm hanging out with women that are 2 to 3 years older than me. The conversation is going well, beer is being consumed, a good time is seemingly being had by all. Then, inevitably, the question of age comes out: "So, how old are you?" At this point let me tell anyone who doesn't know, one should never, ever ask anyone their age, it's impolite and unimportant.* Now, with that tidbit of etiquette out of the way, let me tell you the invariable sequence of events which follow the age question. First, I tell them I'm 24. Next, (usually a little surprised) they tell me they're 26. Then, they proceed to invalidate any of my previous conversational topics due to my age. Finally, my desire to to test the tensile strength of my beer bottle on the back of their skulls manifests itself in a brief comment about our ages being virtually the same in the scheme of things. Naturally, this comment is quickly blown off by the women usually without even saying a word (unless blowing cigarette smoke out of their mouths and waving it in my general direction with their hands constitutes a word).
Let me tell you something. There are few things which make me hate more than shit like this. I mean, I hate the homeless, dingo, and McDonalds a whole bunch but I've never had a good conversation and a beer with a dingo before he made me hate. These fucking women act as if the 2 year difference in age is like the difference between a new born baby and a fucking Yale law degree. I want to say, "Look bitches, I'm smarter than you, I dress better than you, I know more people than you, and I'll have forgotten about you before you're reading about me in the business section of the fucking Chronicle. This difference in age is meaningless, our sociological backgrounds are nearly identical, we're the same fucking generation, what the fuck is the fucking problem you fucking fucks?" That's what I want to say, but I don't. I don't say it, not because I'm scared to, but because I usually want to touch their dirty spots with my dirty spots and I feel like calling them "bitches" and "fucking fucks" would put a damper on any progress in that direction. Mr. Weinis strikes down any chances at vindication. MR. WEINIS!!! God dammit! Why can I have such a good time with men twice my age who treat me like I'm one of them but women 2 years older than me think our age difference gives them authority to dismiss me completely? Bitches, you know where you are? You're in my fucking hatebox. I don't want you in my hatebox because you're pretty and, until you make me hate, everything is good, but you make me put you in the box by treating me like shit. Stop being petty, sprinkle some humility on you thoughts and garnish them with respect, and maybe then you can come out of the hatebox. I don't care if they want to talk to my ass or not, I just want them to fucking understand that, at our ages, pulling the petty shit they do is fucking stupid and no way to treat anyone regardless of age.
*There are some who would argue saying an abortion tickles is also impolite and base. Well, this is the fucking internet assholes, it's not "real life".
On the weekends, however, things are quite different. There are situations where I'm hanging out with women that are 2 to 3 years older than me. The conversation is going well, beer is being consumed, a good time is seemingly being had by all. Then, inevitably, the question of age comes out: "So, how old are you?" At this point let me tell anyone who doesn't know, one should never, ever ask anyone their age, it's impolite and unimportant.* Now, with that tidbit of etiquette out of the way, let me tell you the invariable sequence of events which follow the age question. First, I tell them I'm 24. Next, (usually a little surprised) they tell me they're 26. Then, they proceed to invalidate any of my previous conversational topics due to my age. Finally, my desire to to test the tensile strength of my beer bottle on the back of their skulls manifests itself in a brief comment about our ages being virtually the same in the scheme of things. Naturally, this comment is quickly blown off by the women usually without even saying a word (unless blowing cigarette smoke out of their mouths and waving it in my general direction with their hands constitutes a word).
Let me tell you something. There are few things which make me hate more than shit like this. I mean, I hate the homeless, dingo, and McDonalds a whole bunch but I've never had a good conversation and a beer with a dingo before he made me hate. These fucking women act as if the 2 year difference in age is like the difference between a new born baby and a fucking Yale law degree. I want to say, "Look bitches, I'm smarter than you, I dress better than you, I know more people than you, and I'll have forgotten about you before you're reading about me in the business section of the fucking Chronicle. This difference in age is meaningless, our sociological backgrounds are nearly identical, we're the same fucking generation, what the fuck is the fucking problem you fucking fucks?" That's what I want to say, but I don't. I don't say it, not because I'm scared to, but because I usually want to touch their dirty spots with my dirty spots and I feel like calling them "bitches" and "fucking fucks" would put a damper on any progress in that direction. Mr. Weinis strikes down any chances at vindication. MR. WEINIS!!! God dammit! Why can I have such a good time with men twice my age who treat me like I'm one of them but women 2 years older than me think our age difference gives them authority to dismiss me completely? Bitches, you know where you are? You're in my fucking hatebox. I don't want you in my hatebox because you're pretty and, until you make me hate, everything is good, but you make me put you in the box by treating me like shit. Stop being petty, sprinkle some humility on you thoughts and garnish them with respect, and maybe then you can come out of the hatebox. I don't care if they want to talk to my ass or not, I just want them to fucking understand that, at our ages, pulling the petty shit they do is fucking stupid and no way to treat anyone regardless of age.
*There are some who would argue saying an abortion tickles is also impolite and base. Well, this is the fucking internet assholes, it's not "real life".
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