Johnny Law gave me a double pump up the butt this morning. I'm trying to get to my parents house at the fuck-crack of dawn, I look up ahead of me, see a pig's unit, and I check my speed to see I'm only going 30 mph. Low and behold, the copper is strolling out into the street pulling me to the side of the road. 10 minutes later my anus was torn and bloody, I smelled like pork, and the cop had blown his money shot on my face in the form of a combination speeding and inspection renewal ticket.
I've been watching a lot of 'COPS' lately. As soon as I saw the fuzz walking out in the street to pull me aside I began running through the list of excuses the junkies on COPS give when they get busted. "Sir, this isn't my car." "Sir, I wasn't driving the car." "Wasn't me. No, no, wasn't me." But, that shit never works on COPS so I didn't want to press my luck.
Fuck tha police. What? What? Fuck tha police.